Feeling Special

I just found out that out of over one hundred submissions, I was chosen as one of the thirty authors to participate in a book festival at Rochester Central Library (about 15 miles east of my hometown).  I consider that a pretty cool accomplishment.

The day begins with some workshops in self-publishing (those would have probably been helpful to me a year ago!) and then from 2:30 - 4:30pm, all of the authors set up in the Kate Gleason Auditorium to sell books.  Where better to sell books than at a library, right?!  Seems like the perfect crowd, except maybe for setting up a table in the vestibule of a Catholic church....

I'll be in full nunnery, of course.  I've grown quite attached to my habit.  Would it bother you to know that I sometimes wear it around the house, late in the evenings...carrying a glass of red wine.  Its very comfortable and makes me feel good.  My husband pretends not to notice but I sometimes catch him giving me a sideways glance.  When that happens, I bow my head and pretend to bless him from across the room.

Your Jesus Knickers Are Too Tight

The latest Amazon review of "Confessions" is titled "Garbage".

It's certainly attention-getting, I'll give her that.  Very catchy.

I suppose most people would be upset by such a review, but quite honestly, it made my day.  To know I was able to evoke such strong emotion was enough for me.  My writing was enough to make poor Kathleen actually vomit!!  I'd call that a success, not garbage.

I'd venture a guess that she wouldn't enjoy my company any more than she enjoyed my book.  Loosen those Jesus knickers, Kathleen, and try to laugh.

Life is too short to worry about a one-star review!  Now where's me flask?


Here's that little darling's review:

"So very sad.....sad situation but hard to feel sorry for the charachter; I was too busy vomitting and feeling sorry for myself that I actually paid for this. The description sounded appealing to me and I thought it might mimic my upbringing in a comedic light but this was just garbage from the very beginning. The main character is actually quite tragic but I was so repulsed by her descriptive view on life that I just couldn't find it within myself to connect."

And We Have A Decision!

After much angst about what passages to read at this weekend's book event in BrockVegas, NY (known by most as Brockport), I've finally made a decision.  Drum roll, please.

The Wedding!  You may recall Patti Anne was desperate to win the affections of her soon-to-be sister-in-law's brother.  (Confusing, I know.  All you really need to understand is that it was a man.)  They were paired together in the wedding party and Patti Anne was smitten.  She came up with a brilliant strategy...or so she thought.  She duct taped bowls inside the bodice of her dress to replicate the ginormous rack of Dolly Parton.  It worked.  Until one of the bowls fell out and smashed on the floor of the church.

Hopefully, the chapter will warm the hearts of those in attendance.  Who doesn't cherish a good boob story?

Now, what shall I read from my latest release, "Fat Chance"?

A Reading From the Book According to...

I was really excited (and surprised!) when asked by A Different Path Gallery, of Brockport, NY, to do a book reading.  Of course I immediately said yes.  Duh.

That was April.  It is now late September.  The reading is in October.  It's becoming more of a reality and I'm getting worked up.  All in good ways, I assure you.

The very lovely Christine Green is organizing the event, and what an event it promises to be!  It's to be held on the 28th of October as a costume party!  Get this; special prizes will be awarded to those wearing religious vestments!!  I love how the gallery is embracing the humorous backdrop of the book.  Life is too short for stuffy, serious literary readings.  At least if I'm involved.

The event is free to the public and ...hello, we'll be drinking wine.  Not that crap they serve from the altar, either.

So as I iron my habit and count my Rosary beads, I contemplate what passages to share with those in attendance.  I doubt they will be a very religious crowd.  God help them if they are.  I suspect at least of handful of them will have already read the book and are familiar with Patti Anne and her Aunt Elizabeth.

I believe the plan is to drink wine and talk for a bit, then have a reading followed by more wine and then another reading.  The event is slotted for two hours...

I'm asking you to share your thoughts about what passages to choose.  I am at a loss and relying on your wisdom to guide me.

Good thing I have a sense of humor...

Time for a New Blog?

I've written over 200 pages of my second book, Fat Chance, which I hope to release late this year.  Those of you who know me well, know that I don't outline or plan these things; I just let them happen.  That means, of course, that I have no idea how close I am to finishing the book!

The main character continues to do things I hadn't expected.  She's quite a woman.  I honestly have no idea where it's headed, how it will end or when it'll be finished.  What I do know is that the quality will far exceed that of my first book.  I've learned a little bit and worked on some things.  I'm very proud of "Confessions" (very), but book number two will be better.

I wonder if it's time to begin a new blog for "Fat Chance"?  Is Daphne Schneider ready for her own piece of cyberspace?  Do you want to get to know her?

Damned To Hell

I've been home over a week from the authors event I attended in NY.  Since my return, I've had a chance to reflect on some things that happened.

The event at Liftbridge Book Store showcased about a dozen local authors.  Some wrote children's books, others history books or novels.

I had the unusual fortune to be sandwiched between two Catholic women with very strong religious convictions.  Lucky me.

The woman to my left was petite, attractive and friendly.  Never did I see her without a smile on her face.  She looked at the title of my book and asked a few generic questions, but didn't appear to be either interested or annoyed by the title.  She did say her entire education, including college, was with Catholic institutions and made clear that her faith is very important to her.

Her book is titled "Communion of Saints, Talking to God and Grandma".  More about that later.

The woman to my right was elderly.  It was obvious she'd lost a few inches of her original height, as is inevitable when Father Time decides to curve and compress the spine.  She was less than five feet tall with white hair.  As she began to set up her book (a children's book about the Erie Canal), I noticed her hands shook with an uncontrollable tremor.  I gave her my chair and told her I preferred to stand.

She picked up my book and flipped it over to read the back cover.  The look on her face was not one of happiness.

"At what grade did you drop out?" she asked.

"I went K through six," I replied.

She nodded as if that's what she expected to hear.  "Do you believe in Christ?" she asked, unsmiling.

"Yes.  Jesus and I are good friends," I replied, showing all my teeth.

She continued to scrutinize the back cover of "Confessions".

"I damn you to Hell," she said, returning the book to its original place on the table.

I laughed out loud.  I wasn't trying to be rude, but it was humorous.  "You don't scare me," I said, as nicely as I could.  I didn't want to be nasty to a woman old enough to be my grandmother.  "I've been damned by worse," I added.

She turned her back to me and sat sideways in her chair to avoid having to share my space or my air.

About twenty minutes later, she dropped her pen on the sidewalk.  I bent to retrieve it.  She accepted it without a word before turning her back to me once again.

It's only fair that I mention the "What Would Jesus Wear" toy I had displayed in front of my books.  It's a great thing I found in Seattle.  Remember Colorforms?  They were shapes cut out of vinyl and we adhered them to each other, making scenes on a black cardboard background...sound familiar?

The thing from Seattle is similar, but its magnetic.  The pieces allow you to dress Jesus in all sorts of outfits, including a lamb costume!!!  Oh please, "the Lamb of God"??  There's even a crucifix.  The set provides endless hours of fun for those us with a sense of humor.

I'm getting sidetracked.  Before the old bitty damned me to Hell, I didn't say much about the Jesus toy, nor did I play with it, because I didn't want to be disrespectful.  Once she damned me, I suppose I became a little boisterous about the whole "Lamb of God" thing.  In my defense, it was very funny.

She didn't speak to me again for the rest of the afternoon.  I was grateful.

The woman on my left was a joy.  (Her name is Mary Grace.) Although she is a devout Catholic, she played with the Jesus toy, too.  To my extreme shock, Mary stuck the magnetic loaf of bread suggestively between our Savior's legs.  You could have knocked me over with a feather.

She, too, picked up my book and read the back cover.  Then she bought it.

We chatted all afternoon and I bought her book, which I devoured on the trip home.  I was shocked to learn Mary is a former cocaine addict and alcoholic.  What's more, she'd been excommunicated from her hometown parish after seeking guidance from her priest.  Mary became troubled after seeing her dead mother...I mean, the woman was dead!  The author was scared and confused.  When she turned to her Church for help, they kicked her out, even getting a restraining order against her.

Fast forward several years, this lovely lady remains a devout, practicing Catholic... but she also speaks with the dead.  Her book explains why maintaining contact with our loved ones who've passed on is NOT against the Church.  If you're Catholic, you're familiar with the phrase "the Communion of Saints".  You get the idea.

I'm not a practicing Catholic; I'm a recovering one.  Having said that, to each his own.  Regardless of your views on the subject, the book is worth a read.  I found it enlightening.

I plan to stay in touch with Mary.  Maybe she can teach me how to get in touch with Aunt Elizabeth.

Constipation

Travel is fun, but you know what they say about too much of a good thing...

I've traveled over ten thousand miles in the last three weeks and when I crossed the last bridge to my island yesterday afternoon, I swore I'd never leave again.  I'm ever so happy to be home again.

Crowded airports, shuttle buses and cabs interrupt my writing routine.  I'm beginning to feel like an old person who complains that travel messes up their bowels.  I hope at least one of you knows what I'm talking about.

Surely, I can't be the only person who has (or has had) a family member who complains about not being able to poop once they get away from their daily routine at home.  Be honest.

I'm beginning to understand the feeling, but in a different way.

When I'm home, I have a writing routine and the characters in my book run around my head and their story flows out quite nicely.  It's not hard work; "Fat Chance" (my next book) is pretty much writing itself and I feel as if I'm just along for the ride.

But once I get away from that routine, I feel...constipated.  I know the stories are in there, but I can't get them out.

I can't write while in a bus/car/etc, because I'll barf on the person in front of me.  Motion sickness makes it impossible for me to work while moving.

I don't like writing in a crowded airport if the people next to me can read my laptop's screen.  Writing is very private; I don't let anyone read what I'm writing until it's done.  The idea that a stranger seated next to me can read what I'm writing is enough to make me leave the laptop in its case.

But I'm home now and it's like I took a heavy dose of Ex-Lax before going to bed last night, because the stories are ready to come out.

Please excuse me while I take care of business.