Just How Stupid Do I Look?

I guess it doesn't matter how stupid I look because apparently, I'm quite a moron.  I've had the wool pulled over my eyes, been hoodwinked and hijinked and whatever other cutesy ways there are to express the fact that I fell for it.

While I'm thrilled that my book has been available on Amazon and Kindle, I was looking forward to the day when I could publish through Barnes & Noble and every other e-book reader format, like Nook.  Amazon had exclusive publishing rights for 90 days, which expired Monday.  One minute after midnight Sunday, I uploaded by book to a publishing venue called "Smashwords" that makes self-published books like mine available to B&N, Nook, Sony, Palm Pilot and so on.  FOR FREE.  (sounds too good to be true, right?)

Although Smashwords insists my book is available in every format known to man, my Nook can't find it and neither can any other.  Why, you ask?  Have all the Nooks in the universe gotten a virus?  No, you silly wabbit.  The damn thing isn't out there.  Further proof of of getting what you pay for.

My book is available in paperback on B&N, which is a step in the right direction BUT I promised several people that "Confessions" would be available on their Nook when they dragged their sorry butts out of bed Monday.  That was two days ago and still...no book on the Nook.

Oh great, now I'm rhyming.  Is it too early for a beer?

What a Difference a Day Makes!

I spoke with Archie, the owner of my hometown book store, the Liftbridge, yesterday afternoon.  I was thrilled to hear my book sold out and he wants another case to restock the shelves!  That was a much-needed boost to my enthusiasm.  I ordered those books like my life depended on it.

Then we talked about possible dates for me to go back to Brockport for a book signing.  How exciting!  I think we're looking at either April 6th or 13th, but I'll keep you posted.  That'll be a huge accomplishment for me....signing my own, self-published book in the very same store I used to daydream as a kid.  What an opportunity.  Slap me.

Who Knew It Would Be So Hard?

I thought formatting the book for publication by Amazon was difficult.  Ha!  That was a walk in the park compared to trying to market the goddamn thing.  Self-publishing is a lonely road and I'm stranded.

How to get the word out?  A girl can only Facebook so many times before her "friends" tell her to piss up a rope.  Same goes for Twitter, which I can't stand anyway.  Tweet that.

I'm trying to get a book club or fifty interested.  I think convincing a stranger to let me do a mammogram might be easier and perhaps less frustrating.  Okay, maybe not but you get the idea.

What am I missing?!?

Amazon's Reign is Almost Over

Guess what?  Amazon's ninety days of exclusive publishing rights is almost over.  That's part of the deal when self-publishing through Amazon; authors can't publish the book through other channels for ninety days. What that really means is that "Confessions" was available as an ebook on the Kindle only, allowing Amazon to capitalize on a new publication.

In six days time, "Confessions" will be available for the Nook, Sony, Palm Pilot, Apple, Kobo, Stanza, PDF for laptops, and every other ebook format known to man.  Yay for me.

In theory, this will mean increased sales because not everyone in the world owns/want to own a Kindle (sorry Amazon).  However, the book's been also available as a paperback since early December (Amazon had no power to prevent me from creating a paperback), so I'm not sure if this will really make a noticeable difference.

A girl can dream.  And I do.  Frequently and hard.  You wouldn't believe some of the shit I dream, but that's fodder for a different blog.  Trust me.

Free Whiskey?

I'm pleased to say I'll be selling my book/doing book signings at the 3rd Thursday Walkabout this week in beautiful downtown Islamorada.  I'd like to "do" something for those who stop by my table to chat and/or buy the book.

How does shots of Irish Whiskey sound?  I think it's nice but wonder if there are bogus alcohol laws with which I need to be concerned.  Several galleries give away wine and beer and a local liquor store gives away   blender drinks....so why can't this former Catholic School Girl give away shots of whiskey?  I don't plan to ask anyone about it.  I prefer to apologize afterward than ask permission ahead of time.  I find my life works better that way.  (It's how I sunk my claws into my wonderful husband.)

If you're out and about on Thursday, swing by my table and we'll share a shot or two of Mother's Milk.

Book Clubs?

I've spent a great deal of my day contacting book clubs...it's not as easy as it sounds.  As a self-publisher, all marketing and sales are my sole responsibility.  People won't buy the book if they don't know about the book. (See how smart I am?)

I'm confident "Confessions" is a great book club read.  In addition to the laughter and inappropriate goings-on, the story line touches upon some very serious and disturbing subjects.  It would be interesting to hear how people relate to them, how they feel about how those issues were handled by the characters in the book and how they think those events may have shaped the lives of those affected.

But enough serious talk.  There's enough material to keep a book club engaged in conversation for a couple of hours, during which time I would strongly recommend they drink wine and eat cheese.

So come on all you book clubbers!  I need you.

It Has a Name!

I started working on the next book a couple weeks ago.  What's is about, you ask?  Well, all I'll tell you is Elizabeth makes a comeback.

I was in the middle of something, don't ask me what...I guess it doesn't really matter but Doug was pushing me out the door for one thing or another when an image of Elizabeth flew into my head and I pictured what she would have done in my situation.  She'd have belted out, "Not without me hat!"

And there you have it.  The title of the next book!

Blame Me

Pope Benedict XVI is stepping down from his Holiness' High Chair.  Rumor has it he read "Confessions" and I'm to blame.  What a claim to fame!

Apparently, the hard truths and unrestrained humor are to blame for his "health problems".

Now you know the real story.

Aunt Elizabeth

I'm pleased to say I've been fielding a lot of questions about Aunt Elizabeth?  "Is she real?" is by far the most frequently asked question about "Confessions".

Dear old Aunt Elizabeth is larger than life.  She's a hard core disciplinarian with a big heart who displays to the world a tough exterior to camouflage her vulnerabilities.  She's passionate about her beloved homeland of Ireland and simply can't leave the house without one of her signature, large hats.  There's always at least one flask at hand, probably two, and she's prone to strike first and ask questions later.  Her anger is fierce but so is her devotion to those who've earned her love.

Each of us should be so lucky as to have an Aunt Elizabeth in our lives.

Who is Aunt Elizabeth to you?  Is she the sort of person you'd like to meet?