Need A Bigger Candle

Several weeks ago, I had a bee in my bonnet and thought it would be a good idea to go back to a full-time job.  There were a few reasons for this way of thinking, but first and foremost was money.

Yep.  Money.  I want more of it.

Lauren and I have some small-scale adventures planned for this summer and an HUGE one for next summer.  You can keep track of that plan on another blog:

http://walkmyfatass.blogspot.com/

We are the unofficial poster children for the "Go big or go home" approach to vacations.  The one we have planned for June 2014 is going to cost mucho dinero.  Mucho.

My newspaper work and book sales aren't really enough to fund our big plans.  Sad, but true.  I decided a year of full-time work would pay for our adventures and then some, and I was right.

In addition to the lure of the Almighty Dollar, I simply didn't have enough to do.  I felt my brain was beginning to go a little soft from the perpetual Happy Hour that is so often part of Keys living.  I wanted a schedule and responsibilities outside my home, as well as mental challenges to keep me from becoming a Keys Critter.  And since I'm bearing my soul, I admit it felt nice to dress in suits and heels again after five years of shorts, tank tops and bare feet.

One month later, I am exhausted, frustrated and wondering when I'll ever figure things out.

Ten hours away from home leaves little time to 1) be a Mom, 2) be a Wife, 3) contact individuals and business about news stories/write for the paper and 4) work on book #2.

I know you don't want to hear this, because you work full-time and somehow manage to get everything done.  Sure, you're tired but what choice do you have?

I've no doubt, the last thing you want to hear is complaining from someone who lives in Paradise, but this is my blog and I'll whine if I want to.  It's one of the reasons to write a blog.  You know, getting things off one's chest and such.  Bear with me, please, whilst I unload my chest.

Anyway, I find that after getting home around 5:15pm and writing until 9:30 or 10:00, nothing I do is fun any more!  I resent my full-time job because it keeps me from writing by the pool and getting lost in my fictional silliness.  What's worse, I'm so tired after work, I've discovered my creativity seems to have moved away.  Perhaps it felt neglected and ran away from home?  Maybe it felt cheated on and is off in search of a new mate?

I've considered posting "Missing" posters, but my neighbors already suspect I'm a whack job.  I hesitate to give them proof.

At the ripe old age of 45, I find myself in the type of quandary I thought was reserved for people half my age.  Do I quit a job I started only a month ago because it prevents me from doing what I really want to do on a daily basis, even though it will most certainly fund our walk across Ireland?  Or do I bite the bullet, quit whining and find a way to maintain my creativity while working a full-time finance job?

Until I figure out exactly what to do, I in the market for a bigger candle because the one I'm burning at both ends is in danger of going out.